Sometimes, I hate and curse myself!

Iosi Pratama

on June 15, 2019


The time is showing me at 5.00 pm. Currently, I'm in Research Conference Roundup by Bukalapak at Axa Tower, Jakarta. The event has closed by the MC. Then, Yoel (VP Design of Bukalapak) has said that is time to connect each other. Is Networking Session right now. If there is something that misses in the whole day of the event, or you want to ask something to speaker, it's time to do that. Yes, of course, I see mostly the attendances are excited talking to each other. Or at least he/she has a friend so don't alone like me. I still sit down just see the other talking, without brave greeting anyone to talk. I fell under confidence in myself. That's Because of my self-body (I hate being too underweight) and because I don't know what I have to say. I miss the moment, say hi to a speaker who I really curious about. Now I write this one story in my hostel. The time at 8 pm. Did I lament doing that? Yes, Of course. Sometimes, I hate myself. Really. That happens when I face a situation like this. Why I couldn't confident to come and greeting anyone. I'm overthinking about myself. I'm afraid of something that far maybe for the reality. At the end of the day, I just could write a sad story like this. And it doesn't change anything if I still doing the same thing in other opportunities. So what? I don't know yet. I commit to myself that thing wouldn't happen again. I will brave, or if I need to improve my language skill and my appearance in future time.